joycie

The future did not happen as I thought it would.

In retrospect, there could have been no way that it could happen, but i hoped.

And then finally, what was so distant.. was even farther away.

Now, its as far as impossible, it's going to be never.

There's no sense in dreaming on.

This is the end. I am happy, it wasn't for me.

joycie

That's it. We're finally finished in one of the most toxic rotations in our clinical clerkship!

I can say that the past 2 months have been quite exhausting, but also quite rewarding. Even if I had my share of heartbreaking events (like having your patients die, or get embarrased, or die trying to balance all the tasks for the day), I know that I did my bestestest, and I did improve and learn a lot from the residents, and from the patients. I am actually thinking on choosing internal med as my specialty someday, though I know I'll be changing my mind again (as always). We'll just see about that.

Other things I am thankful for in Ospital ng Maynila...becoming more skillful  in extractions, creating IV lines, insertions etc.  These are the things that we cannot acquire by mere teaching, but through practice and persistence. I remember the times that we were left in the wards, with no intern to refer to, and we had a bunch of insertions and ABGs to accomplish. Sometimes, pesky situations are blessings in disguise....

Gratitude also goes out to our mentors... In medicine, it is in our sworn duty to teach and pass on our craft. I am grateful to be on the receiving end as of the moment, as our residents give us clinical pearls of wisdom, and conduct well at the bedside. They are truly amazing, and I do hope I am becoming as doctor-like as them.

Hay. This is another bookmark to my life. Cheer-ios.

joycie

It's a new mantra.

I just heard it from a friend yesterday. It just seems he's just getting a kick out of life. (while life's been kicking me around. haha.)

I went to class a decade late again, got more than half of my quiz incorrect (and far out) but hey... 'enjoy life' (instant ngiti.)

I was stuck and bored to my wits end listening to our OB class, (entirely my fault, not the doctor's). I was sleeping with my mouth half open (i cant breathe due to my upper respiratory secretions) but no use being guilty, just... 'enjoy life.'

I guess, instead of being such a nut over every little detail in my life, I should just look at the brighter side of things, comb my hair a little, lift my chin up no matter what. Some things are gone and over, most are out of my control...I need to loosen up a bit, and experience what I've got instead of crushing myself to bits for not being the person that I wanted to be... I'm me, and I'l be..enjoying life.

 P.S. he's got a new girlfriend, i think. and it doesn't feel like it used to. that's good... that's really something.

joycie

Without other people, the world would be a lonely place.

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 Yesterday, I got to see my aunt. After a cheery ordeal in the classroom (I got to be the first Santa Claus, what a twist of fate for the Grinch), I went on my way to the skyscrapers. Went around with Ailyn, and had a breath of fresh air (pero air-conditioned). I got to roam around, like an innnocent child, in a gallery/sozi canteen. Hehe. Look at how things and people can do wonders to your mood.

I can say kanina I had another "wow mali!" story. I went to Ospital ng Maynila for our class, insted of PLM. Eh sa dati naming sched doon eh. Luckily, I didn't miss any quizzes, and I wasn't late either. Naman. Tignan mo yan, kung kelan nandun ako, tsaka walang quiz. ABNORMAL.

I am diagnosing myself of stress induced intestinal obstruction. Basta, I almost felt like dying, before and after my shargery exam. My stomach was so hyperactive, I can make a novel about pain. At the same time, the rain was pouring like angels throwing buckets, I got late for the exam. What a bummer, I had to wade around, and get sprinkles of mud just to get there in time. Hopefully, things will turn out all right.

Came from K-rosie's party. Med people are fun. They can be toxic, high-falooting, wierd, but still...fun. Cheers to spaghetti, pizza, birthdays, and KOKEY.

Hay. I still don't know the answer to the question..."nasan ang sisses mo?"

joycie

I've been a bad student. Really.

But I'm not bringing myself back to guilt for my performance. Or else I'll never get elsewhere again. I need to get on my feet, to start back at one. To humbly admit, that I can no longer subsist on scanning notes, and listening to other people's reviews.

And whatelse. I'm just in the middle of remorse and elation.

Of remorse for the things you can't bring back. Some people. And yet I never felt more free.

I guess it's worth sharing that no person, or group of people will ever be worth losing yourself.

Then again... there are friends I'd die for. But those are the ones who won't let me.